Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize