it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
