I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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