Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I supernannyed him into submission
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
