You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
