i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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