I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
