Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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