And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
