Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
