I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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