Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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