what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
