I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
