Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
