I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
