My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
