I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
