that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
