i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
