The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
