There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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