Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize