I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
