wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
