Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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