wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Operation Purity has been aborted
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize