Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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