my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
