All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
