what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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