either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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