oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a hot homeless man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
