I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
