I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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