Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
