Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
