a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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