peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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