I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
