I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
