OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
