god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
