i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
