I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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