i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
