life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
