My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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