marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
