It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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