maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nutella sex= disaster
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
do nipples grow back?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
