Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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