My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
