Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
