omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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