So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize