Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
