Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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