he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm just crazy horny about you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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