Your mouth is God's brothel.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
