I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
