im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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