Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize