I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
