I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
