i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
