Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
