I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
