we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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