ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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