yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
