If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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