dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
