this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
