Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
