Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will be naked everywhere
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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