I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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