I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
