I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
