im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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