I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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