I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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