How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
