I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
