shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
