life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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