she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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