if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
