Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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