So drunk its hurt
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
