my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
