i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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