remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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