Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
