i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
