she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize