I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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