I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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